WEBSITES I'M INTO

1. Mommy's Weird

I know this website because I am friend's with the Mommy of Mommy's Weird. In fact, I encouraged her to create it!

I like it because of the writing.

I dislike that it's always trying to get me to sign up with my email. HATE THAT. But I stick around because I like the content.

I love her style of writing. I find it similar to mine. Lots of breaks in paragraphs. ALL CAPS. Short sentences. I like her personality. She admits mistakes. She talks about her flaws. She's not trying to be the perfect mom.


2. The Bloggess

I discovered her books first, then her website. (As per usual, trolling through COLES.)

I LOVE HER HONESTY. She's struggled severely with mental illness and all of her writing owns that fact. She's funny.

I don't like all the ads on the side. It makes it confusing for me. And why is EVERYTHING a link? I keep coming back because SHE'S SO FUNNY AND I RELATE TO HER.

Honesty. Honesty is the biggest theme in her writing. She also emulates the style I mentioned above.


3. Super Mom Style

I discovered this blog while online stalking people.

THE CONTENT. I LIKE THE CONTENT. I have a vested interest in knowing this girl's business. I don't even know her. I'm just a creep.

I don't like the actual writing. Some of it is okay. Her grammar and attention to detail are not at all great. But her story is SOMETHING ELSE, MY FRIENDS. (Because I'm instructing you on writing, I should make the distinction that this is not GOOD writing. But the content is SO captivating, I can look past that.) 

HONESTY. Great personal detail. Stories with something at stake!



P.S. I have no idea why I am so into Mommy Bloggers.


What common theme can you see in the websites I'm interested in? What does this tell you about me?

EMBARRASSING FACTS FROM MY PAST (MIDDLESCHOOL)

1. THE BOY I LIKED HAD TO TELL ME MY FLY WAS DOWN.

He was really popular, cute and his parents were super religious. He was kind and courageous. In fifth grade he sang Faith Hill's "This Kiss" in front of the whole class. LIKE WHO DOES THAT? He would come to my house to take guitar lessons from my mom and I would dramatically lay outside on the lawn like a desperate housewife. He once showed me this note a girl who liked him gave to him and I felt so special and then in my head was all "WHAT THE HEY? YOU AND I AREN'T A THING?"

Haha,

We were so not a thing.

But one day I remember him trying to tell me something. He said "Your barn door is open." I'm like "I'm sorry my WHAT NOW?" Then he pointed at my crotch.

We're married now.

JK. He's a doctor.




2. EVERYONE SAW MY BLUE UNDIES ONE TIME.

I remember this well. I was leaning over the table and it was that period in your life where your mom still buys your underwear for you. They were blue (and big enough to be compared to the moon, apparently). I guess everyone behind me could see them. Someone shouted out "FULL MOON TONIGHT."

Kids are total jerks.

Later a boy named Derek came up to me to assure me he was not laughing at my underwear. YEAH RIGHT, DEREK.




3. I VOMITED WORDS AT THAT DEREK GUY.

I was sharpening my pencil and I overhear Derek say to Jessica "What did you do this weekend?"

And I blurt out "WHITNEY HAD A PARTY."

I just WALTZED into their conversation like they would care.

It got super weird - SUPER FAST. They just stared at me blankly for 15 seconds then continued their conversation. TO THIS DAY, I feel like an idiot about that one.

The reason I blurted it out was because Kristi-Lynn was at that party and I was PRETTY SURE Derek liked Kristi-Lynn. I saw him chatting her up HARD in the hallway one day while I was secretly eating a PB&J next to "Peanut Allergy Alyssa." (She was such a faker.) So in my head I was doing him a FAVOUR. You know, letting him know what social circles his crush hangs out in.

BACKFIRED.

I had to try. After all, he didn't laugh at my underwear.

OR SO HE CLAIMS.

Embarrassing Facts From My Past: Kindergarten Edition

MY MOM WENT TO KINDERGARTEN WITH ME.

Embarrassing, right? Yeah, I KNOW.

The story, as it goes, started about a month or so before I was to start Kindergarten. I was SUPER psyched. I'd been to an orientation and as far as I could tell it was just a room full of toys to play with and I had my own cubby hole and mom was going to make me play dough. 

(That's right. MAKE ME PLAY DOUGH. It was blue and way softer and better than the store bought play dough. I loved it.)

One evening we're downstairs in the living room and mom was making me try on some clothes.There was this jean skirt. 

Mom said "That would have been perfect for Cowboy Day."  (Back then pre-schools made you dress up for certain days, I don't know - it was weird.)

She put the skirt on me and because I'm about four years-old I start spinning around. Like a fool  I've always had TERRIBLE eye-sight. I have pretty much NO depth perception. I naturally fall right down.

ON MY LEG AND BREAK IT. 

Like a boss. As I remember, it was pretty much completely detached and I was lucky to be alive.

My parents hauled me out to the mini-van. This would be like 1993 or so. They probably shouldn't have moved me and just called an ambulance - BUT WHATEVER - it's already broken. I had a full cast on my left leg for what felt like forever.

I didn't bother with crutches because that seemed like a fool's game and I was going to milk this for all it was worth. I would just crawl around everywhere and then slide on my butt down the stairs. 

Since I was disabled my mom had to come to Kindergarten with me and haul me around so I wasn't a burden on the teacher who already had a bunch of crazies to herd. I loved it! My mom was then, and is now, the coolest. I was all "Oh what's that, Jessica? You miss your mom? Kindergarten is tough, right? MOM, BRING ME MY PLAY DOUGH."

I had it ALL figured out. 

Except she kind of became a teacher assistant would eventually pay attention to the other kids, as well. 

NOT COOL, MOM. 

My leg is broken. I don't care if Justin seems like he has a poor home-life. My leg is BROKEN. 

Eventually the cast came off and Mom couldn't go to school with me anymore and luckily kindergartners think moms are cool. It's only embarrassing in retrospect. 

Ten Things NOT To Do At Your First Real Job

We all know we're supposed to show up on time and ideally not be drunk and have showered at some point and be wearing pants and stuff...But what ELSE? 

10. Bring fish for lunch.

AND FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING DO NOT HEAT IT UP. This is NOT a way to make friends. You share that space with others. Do not stink it up with leftover salmon. The only way it's acceptable is if it's in a seal container which is in a sealed plastic bag, and you take it OUTSIDE TO EAT IT. And invite no one. If you want it warmed up, you better have a personal microwave you keep in your car, you monster. 

9. Kiss a co-worker.

I don't even know if I should have to explain why this is a bad idea to you. But I will guarantee, at some point, you will want to do this. Don't. Don't poop where you eat, as they say. First off, you have to work with that person. Second off, everyone will know. Third off, you ain't gonna live it down. [ This only applies to current co-workers. Past co-workers? Fair game. Past co-workers that could potentially be future co-workers? Roll the dice. Life is for living!!]

8. Get Drunk at a Staff Gathering

Unless, in some magical twist of fate, your personality IMPROVES when you are loaded - know your limit. If you're new to the company, they don't know how you act. So if you get super drunk once, they assume you do that all the time. And once you're the office drunk, you are the office drunk. If it's going to be a long evening and you'd like to indulge in more than a few, alternate with water! 

7. Talk Smack

All of these rules suck, but this is my least favourite. I like gossip just as much as the next, and, if possible, I'd like to live out my life like a Shonda Rhimes show. But I'm not Olivia Pope, so I don't talk smack at work. Especially when you are new to a company, you don't know who is friends with who. You are Switzerland. NEUTRAL. If someone tries to get you to talk smack with them, just say "Oh. Takes all kinds of kinds, I guess." and go back to your work. 

6. Act Like You Know Everything

UGH. There is nothing worse than someone who just shows up and decides to tell everyone what they should be doing and how they should be doing it. Unless you were hired to do just that, keep your opinions to yourself for a bit. Once you've proven yourself as a valuable member of a team, you can start to politely offer some input and suggestions. There's usually a lot of factors that contribute to a problem or prevent a solution to that problem. You're unaware of those right away. Just hang tight until you can offer a more educated suggestion. 

5. Think Being Sassy is Funny and Everybody Loves It

GUIL-TY. Naturally, I'm socially awkward. I blame my parents for not putting me in organized sports, but also thank my parents for not putting me in organized sports because man I suck at organized sports. So for a long time, my only instinct to connect with people was to be sassy and make fun of them. Sometimes this works! But you have to build a certain repertoire with people. AS A WARNING: This does not always work.  

4. Have a Big Social Calendar

I know you have lots of cool friends that are always asking you to hang out. I have several* myself. But it's important to put your work first and show you are dedicated, especially when starting out. Say yes to staying late. Be a team player. Don't give anyone the impression you're just here for the pay cheque. Show you care! 

*Several, in this case, just means my sister.

3. Make Enemies

Enemies are fun to have. (I have an arch nemesis, her name is Jean Sanderson. EDIT: is not a co-worker.) But enemies in the workplace are NO BUENO. That person could be your boss tomorrow. OR that person could walk around talking smack about you! Or that person could see a bus and throw you under it. Try to be on at least good terms with everyone. This is done by being polite and kind to other people. (SOMETIMES A CHALLENGE.)

2. Bake Stuff for Co-Workers.

You could. You totally could. This is usually a sure-fire way to get people to like you. But it is also a sure-fire way to let people know you are trying to get them to like you. I hate to say this, but especially if you are a woman, this gives people the idea you are there to serve them instead of contribute to a team. (Depending on your position, maybe you are there to serve them. But you are there to serve them in relation to business matters. Not provide them with snacks.(Again, unless this is actually part of your job description.))

1. Show Your Anger

You're gonna get fired up at some point. Fired up and frustrated. Maybe it's work-related. Maybe it's personal. But you gotta lock that down. Fake it til you make it because no one likes an, even slightly, aggressive co-worker. You are allowed to feel things and you are allowed to express those feelings, but make sure the anger is going to where it came from.