10. Bring fish for lunch.
AND FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING DO NOT HEAT IT UP. This is NOT a way to make friends. You share that space with others. Do not stink it up with leftover salmon. The only way it's acceptable is if it's in a seal container which is in a sealed plastic bag, and you take it OUTSIDE TO EAT IT. And invite no one. If you want it warmed up, you better have a personal microwave you keep in your car, you monster.
9. Kiss a co-worker.
I don't even know if I should have to explain why this is a bad idea to you. But I will guarantee, at some point, you will want to do this. Don't. Don't poop where you eat, as they say. First off, you have to work with that person. Second off, everyone will know. Third off, you ain't gonna live it down. [ This only applies to current co-workers. Past co-workers? Fair game. Past co-workers that could potentially be future co-workers? Roll the dice. Life is for living!!]
8. Get Drunk at a Staff Gathering
Unless, in some magical twist of fate, your personality IMPROVES when you are loaded - know your limit. If you're new to the company, they don't know how you act. So if you get super drunk once, they assume you do that all the time. And once you're the office drunk, you are the office drunk. If it's going to be a long evening and you'd like to indulge in more than a few, alternate with water!
7. Talk Smack
All of these rules suck, but this is my least favourite. I like gossip just as much as the next, and, if possible, I'd like to live out my life like a Shonda Rhimes show. But I'm not Olivia Pope, so I don't talk smack at work. Especially when you are new to a company, you don't know who is friends with who. You are Switzerland. NEUTRAL. If someone tries to get you to talk smack with them, just say "Oh. Takes all kinds of kinds, I guess." and go back to your work.
6. Act Like You Know Everything
UGH. There is nothing worse than someone who just shows up and decides to tell everyone what they should be doing and how they should be doing it. Unless you were hired to do just that, keep your opinions to yourself for a bit. Once you've proven yourself as a valuable member of a team, you can start to politely offer some input and suggestions. There's usually a lot of factors that contribute to a problem or prevent a solution to that problem. You're unaware of those right away. Just hang tight until you can offer a more educated suggestion.
5. Think Being Sassy is Funny and Everybody Loves It
GUIL-TY. Naturally, I'm socially awkward. I blame my parents for not putting me in organized sports, but also thank my parents for not putting me in organized sports because man I suck at organized sports. So for a long time, my only instinct to connect with people was to be sassy and make fun of them. Sometimes this works! But you have to build a certain repertoire with people. AS A WARNING: This does not always work.
4. Have a Big Social Calendar
I know you have lots of cool friends that are always asking you to hang out. I have several* myself. But it's important to put your work first and show you are dedicated, especially when starting out. Say yes to staying late. Be a team player. Don't give anyone the impression you're just here for the pay cheque. Show you care!
*Several, in this case, just means my sister.
3. Make Enemies
Enemies are fun to have. (I have an arch nemesis, her name is Jean Sanderson. EDIT: is not a co-worker.) But enemies in the workplace are NO BUENO. That person could be your boss tomorrow. OR that person could walk around talking smack about you! Or that person could see a bus and throw you under it. Try to be on at least good terms with everyone. This is done by being polite and kind to other people. (SOMETIMES A CHALLENGE.)
2. Bake Stuff for Co-Workers.
You could. You totally could. This is usually a sure-fire way to get people to like you. But it is also a sure-fire way to let people know you are trying to get them to like you. I hate to say this, but especially if you are a woman, this gives people the idea you are there to serve them instead of contribute to a team. (Depending on your position, maybe you are there to serve them. But you are there to serve them in relation to business matters. Not provide them with snacks.(Again, unless this is actually part of your job description.))
1. Show Your Anger
You're gonna get fired up at some point. Fired up and frustrated. Maybe it's work-related. Maybe it's personal. But you gotta lock that down. Fake it til you make it because no one likes an, even slightly, aggressive co-worker. You are allowed to feel things and you are allowed to express those feelings, but make sure the anger is going to where it came from.
No comments:
Post a Comment